Oh The Diets I've Known...

Apologies for the silence- I have been working nights! I have found out today that I have been accepted on a program to help you lose weight, eat better and have more energy- it starts in June so in the run up I thought I would talk about my weight-loss/gain up until this point. It is called the Body Confidence Program - expect to hear much more about it!

I have been over weight for as long as I can remember- when I was 5 a school friend told me I was fat and the label has stuck- I look back at pictures and realise that I wasn't fat, I was absolutely normal. I am classed as morbidly obese now though- my BMI is 44- and my weight is affecting all aspects of my life. I avoid social events, my relationship with The Man is suffering and I just want to curl up and die most days- not to commit suicide, but just to not have to be me any more. I avoid photographs as much as possible which makes me sad because there is hardly any photos of us as a family that I don't delete as soon as they are taken.

Over the years I  have tried many diets, generally with success for short periods followed by massive failures and weight gains well over what I had lost, these have included:

• Weight Watchers- too many numbers, too confusing.
• Slim Fast- didn't like any of the shakes.
• The Cambridge Diet- I need to eat real food, living off of shakes and bars is just too miserable for me. I did lose nearly 2 stone on this plan but could not maintain it for the long run.
• Slimming World- I lost 1.5 stone the first time round but have never motivated myself to stick to it again. On paper this seems like the best diet for me, I can't explain why I can't stick to it other than I am just feeling very self destructive at the moment- I start diets, stick to it for about 2 weeks then completely throw in the towel. 

I am beginning to think that the key to my weight loss is to try to like myself- I need to feel that I deserve to look after myself and treat myself right. My internal dialogue is, and always has been very negative especially regarding my weight- I often refer to myself as disgusting and sickening amongst other horrid things. So I plan to avoid "Diets" for a few weeks, and just focus on being my own friend for a bit, snack less, avoid sweet foods and try to be more active but all in a very low key way while I try to fix my head too! I'll keep you updated...